Town Happenings and Observations

Observations
So these past few weeks I have met a few brothers, trying to get my feet wet in the dating arena, and I now realize there's a reason why I normally don't date. One, is it me, or am I tripping about the fact that many of these brothers don't really want to meet an authentic sister such as myself. A lot of guys I'm running into want to expose their physicality instead of show their personality and really reveal who they are. I am a pretty conscious sister and many I have dated have had me laughing either inside or out. The old days of meeting folks are over, where is the romance? Where is the friendship part of dating? Anyway, yesterday I was supposed to hang out with this new guy but once again, he showed me how "shady" brothers can be by not following through on meeting up with me. My thing is this - I'm a Queen and my job is not to open my legs for just any guy, two, I ain't coming to a man's house if he can't meet me half way. If you can't spend time with me in a neutral environment, that tells me all I really know. And why are people so focused on the physicality. Just my observations. Needless to say, I am moving on to the next on my list (cause you know I got one). The one thing I've learned to take men at face value. If he says he's going to do something and he doesn't, then I"m moving on. No second chances. Life is too short to SHORT CHANGE yourself. With saying that, I'm saying ladies stop making excuses for people. If the man can't follow through on basic things, what are you trying to do with him? If you're not a priority at the beginning of the dating process, where can it go from there? Ummm, just food for thought. Yes, my momma ain't raised no fool. Though I have played the fool in the past, I have learned a few things. And I try to demand respect with many that I meet because hell, many sisters won't. IF that makes me difficult to work with , then that's okay too. The one whom I'm being prepared for, will enjoy a real woman, not a puppet.

On to other things....Yesterday a few friends and I went to Sal and Carvao, a Brazilian restaurant (www.salecarvao.com) downtown Chicago. My good friend, SB, turned 36 and we all wanted to get drinks and hang out. Anyway, when I arrived with Raymond, SB's good friend, we should have known something was gonna be fishy. We walked up the stairs and there was a party of white folks up on the second level. It seemed as though the air changed and all heads watched the chocolate folks roll in. They seemed to have an issue with us being there too. After sitting down and meeting some of the other folks attending SB's soiree, it took forever for a damn server to get over to us. SB asked the manager when she would be able to play her music (she brought CD's and the event planner said she should have no problem in using that with the music system) however there was some old ancient dude on the ivory (piano) looking at our table with bugged out eyes and they seemed to swell with time. Anyway, he begins to play "happy birthday" to you reall really loud and my table started to trip the hell out. First of all the music was like storming over our conversation, and SB started cracking jokes. At some point I got a drink (Malibu and Coke) which was kind of weak i might add, and we all began an interesting conversation about sex and relationships. Plus I told the girls a funny story about a guy who e-stripped for me (hey, it's not my fault...!) Anyway, we were there for a minute and kept waiting for the server to come back over to ask us for additional drinks. The young server was white and young and he didn't come back to our table. So twenty minutes later as we still conversating and I'm eating the ice out of my glass (that's a bad sign I might add), he slides the check on the counter, not our table, motioning over to us like we're heathens and not coming to our table to bring the damn check. So me and another sister said, "We ain't going over there to (where he was standing) get the damn check." Basically the server didn't come to our table. Wanted us to get out of our seats to see the check (which was laying on the counter near him)... Now it's customary to bring the check to your customer's table. Anyway, chile we were mad at hell. So when we finally went out of the restaurant, we went over to the area where the check was laying and I simply asked the guy, "Why didn't you come back to our table. I wanted something else to drink" He looked dumbfied. Bland and stupid. I was queen and I didn't get too evil but then he goes and puts the money in his system and returns my change. ON the way out of the place, he says thank you. I'm like, "Yes, Thank you." Kind of sarcastically. Then I grabbed a card with the restaurant number. We all pretty much felt as though we were being ignored because we were the only AA's in the joint and they were rude. I am calling the Event Planner with my complaint, because no one should have to go through that. One of my friends guest said, "Aight, sweetie, forget it!" Bump that. I don't think so. Shit, they didn't know if I was an critic or someone of importance sitting up in that joint. You know! Oh, yes, I will be telling this story to someone and posting my review on Metromix.com. Don't mess with Mocha.

He he he. Anyway, have a great week. I promise I'll be good. Whew!

Blessings,
Mocha Sistah

Tour of my mini-office

Let's see, I have to break the usual mocha chatter to give you an update on the mini-office. On my left (or to my left) is the fax/scanner/copier (HP Office Jet 5610) which does a pretty good job week to week. I just have to go ahead and keep the ink stocked to death cause I'm copying poems, tutoring lessons, and other stuff. I use HP paper which is to my left in the bundle of folders, poem folders, journals, and other stuff underneath the copier. Just so you know I was so on the grind this week that I didn't use the copier too much because I ran out of ink, yes, I did so I had to ask some of my schools to make copies there, but it's all good. They are very supportive.

To my center is my money maker, the DELL pc, which has a webcam attached to it (no, I hardly ever use the thingy, except to make cute head shots with it). Currently I'm typing on the keyboard which is centered as well. A microphone lays near the speaker (one of the speakers) that's on my left. A pen/pencil/marker holder also has business cards stuck in it, with some hair pens??? Stuck to my computer is this statement "If you haven't been taking care of yourself emotionally, spiritually, and mentally, of course it will show on the outside. Do yourself a favor and tend to your needs so that when you look in the mirror, you blush."

My dsl console is behind the little gray/black speaker. Stuck on the little area (i don't know how to describe this) are pens near the keyboard. you know that area between the Esc keys and the actual keys of the keyboard. Laying on my beige cabinet is a journal, some medical forms, a calculator, and a letter which is over due to be sent via mail for an event I"m doing next week. Yes, it's late. On top of the cabinet is a floetry Cd, client folders, and a stack of business cards, my birth certificate , and a brown clip board.

On the floor are four books, Smart Women Finish Rich, Totally HEROTICA, Sex and the Single Sister, and a novel by Eric Jerome Dickey. My mini-office supply drawers are filled with staples, floppy disks, paper clips, address books, and software disks among other things. Behind the wall (of the computer) is my "Desire Creates Power" holder, pictures of the girls I used to mentor, a brown candle, a pen holder from Mexico, old family pictures and a note from my 9th grade teacher (Earth Science Class at Kenwood academy) along with a good luck charm. My poster board on the wall has curriculum (poetry lessons) hanging on it, as well as timesheet times for all my independent work, cool cards, and reminders for upcoming events. A pink container holds the over 200 student poems in seperate "Hands on Stanzas" folders. Near the container is a brown drawer that has four candles (vanilla, strawberry, peach and blueberry flavors) as well as my African sister holding my pens and other whatnots.

A digital recorder( I done wrote some good jingles on the digital and some confessions which I had to erase...more on that later) and some bills, a lip gloss, an old cell phone and my tv remote on top of the drawer and underneath it are more poems, co-written with other poets, my bible (spiritual food), books, bills, more bills and more poetry books by other independent poets like myself. (Thanks Queen Writer for this idea this week!). On the floor a beige telephone, more student poems, and black slippers. (That's half the mini-tour) the rest is my bedroom - a bed, television, dvd player, dvds, and cds litter the rest of the room along with awards on my walls, a beautiful picture of an african american couple entertwined, a health calendar, and two "teary" eyed faces on the wall in the bedroom face me as I type this very blog. ON the floor a radio, more paper from my formatting manual, and a basket in the corner (I think it's betty boop, cause that's my favorite girl!) Geez, I can't type no more so I'll have to catch you beautiful folks later. I was going out tonight but a date got cancelled. But tommorrow's another day. Party at Sal & Cavaio's downtown on Clark Street and drinks with a few friends will rap up the weekend before I format 2 books and start a new one. All this before Monday? Yes, it's all in the life of Mocha Sistah. Take care and enjoy the tour.

I forgot to mention the old fashioned light is shining right by my left as I type these very words shining on my old 2005 pink and white journal that hold some very tasty poems from trips abroad.

Beautiful Happenings

Whirlwind type of week for me, I didn't even have time to breath. I hit the ground running on Monday, just meeting with a new employer (i.e. One Economy) for a briefing on my role as Independent Consultant for training a group of youth in West Haven (Chicago's west side just near United Center). It was MLK's day and just reminded me briefly of what God has assigned me to do - be an advocate for youth, inspire and challenge them, so it felt so befitting to be entrusted with their care and development (sorry to be so deep, but after the fire last week my thoughts are even deepa than before). Tuesday brought a cool, crazy day! Now, it's really cold outside in Chicago and Mocha has no hat on, freezing, on the way to class, almost got there late because sometimes in the morning, I get a little lazy, because I don't work a regular job. And the traffic was back to back on South Shore Drive, but God got me there on time. My students wrote Haikus, some darn good ones, I might add. The lovely part of the class/school is the teachers and there support. Best class, it's hard to say, but I'd say Pettis' fifth and sixth grade class, because he also helps with the poetry programming. The third class wasn't able to fully get into the Haiku exercise, because there was a fire drill, and there was a substitute in my regular class - can you say, kids on "crack" cause they cracked jokes, acting all disrespectful, and I had a lot of "please listen". Trying to be calm, cause ya'll know I have a lot of fire in me, ha ha ha. But they were better after the drill, but it's nearly impossible to think you're gonna get a wonderful haiku poem in less than 20 minutes. Haiku, for those who don't know is a Japanese poetry format, 3 lines, with 17 syllables. It's a very focused writing activity that you have to critically think about the words you use and how many syllables that are used in each line. After class, I traveled through downtown, got my bus pass, yes, I"m still on the bus. Ya'll know I"m a regular woman. After that I grabbed a quick lunch at McD's (a salad and diet coke); and got to Parker Community, where I tutor third graders. By 4 pm, I'd be on my way home, to chill for a few hours, lay my head, check some emails, and get back in the poetry spot. My best friend, Steph. B is a doctor and she been taking me around to a few spots, so I read two pieces at the Touch of the Past, a nice spot in Bellwood. Dusted out some non-teaching material (a piece called, "nappy headed black gurl" and one sensual piece that was very appreciated by the brothers...) Just testing my waters. Quiet as it's kept, the last time I read was in St. Louis in August 2005. Thursday night I ended up supporting fellow writer, Nikki Woods, as she rolled out her new book, "Easier Said Than Done", at the Dusable Museum in Hyde Park. We had a good time (me and Steph.) Music was by the hot female deejay on the ones and twos, WGCI's, Sundance and nice positive energy. I'm glad we got there early because it got packed real quick. The funny thing about the event is that Nikki Woods, is also a radio personality on WGCI and on my writing list serve for Prolific Writers Network. She knows my name, but never got to meet me, and it was nice to see her, and support her. She's inspired me to drag out one of my novels and get it done, cause like she says, "I can do it, cause I want to!" Life is so short and precious, why wait? Like Queen Writer, I want to be able to push out my story asap, so more of it can be consumed by others! As you see, there's never a dull moment with me. I have a few books to format for publication (not mines); a couple of journals to type, but some fun on the plate for the weekend. It's snowing, but who cares! I love snow. I'll be on way again Saturday to a party and Sunday hopefully to recharge my batteries. Much love and peace to you all. May you continue to stay in the light.

A Day Above Ground

You know i love Candles, I have them in every room of my house. I burn 'em every chance I get. Well, yesterday was a regular day. I burned candles in the bedroom, living room and bathroom. You know relaxing. It's a friday! So anyway, I was watching a movie in the bedroom, fell asleep, then I heard a slight crack, but didn't go no where, I just laid in my bed. A few minutes later, the smoke bellowed in, I jumped up, and ran to the living room, (no shoes ya'll), and saw little bity pieces of sharred glass on the floor and mini-fires on the floor. The damn candles on the living room floor was burning down. (THIS IS A TRUE STORY). I walked (calmly i might add) to the kitchen got a rag, and dabbed the little fires out, and started the clean up. I was pissed when I remember I put some candles in a my little "carnival" cup - which was made of PLASTIC. SHIT< DAMN AND FUCK where the words in my head when I remember this. Anyway, not only did I lose my table, got a cut on my foot, my college degree was half burned, oh yeah! But I can replace that. Again, I'm alive by the blessing of God.

The firefighters came way too late; and by the time they got there, I had the glass cleaned up and basically wanted to ask my building manager how to resolve the carpet issue (the carpet took a bad beating with the melted candle and glass on it) but besides that none of my magazines, poetry books, poems, or other paper items even got burned, except one of my little journals. My place still looks the same except I have to find a throw rug for the moment But I"m blessed.

The thing is if I hadn't woke up, I would have been DEAD. For real. I'm lucky I'm a light sleeper b/c it would have been a different situation.

You know I love so, ladies, please be careful with the candles. Please from my heart to yours.

--- Yes, I still love candles, and most of my candles are in glass containers, but it's gonna be a while before I get brave up in here - to burn 'em--- gracias!!!! i'm breathing.

Have a beautiful weekend
and blessings,
Mocha Sistah

Keeping it Simple

Soooo, today was my last day off work before going back to school. It's been one funny situation after another. I'm making copies this morning (in my mini-office) and I run out of ink, had to go over to Staples and get ink to last me for at least two weeks. Of course, Mocha couldn't stop at the ink so I bought, new stationary, paper for the printer, and other things that will keep my office running smooth. Before I went to Staples, I ran over to the bank and deposited some checks (can you say HALLELUJAH). All the checks are for my work as a self employed artist. While at the bank, I"m talking with the young lady who's my teller and she tells me that the bank will be having a business seminar that I might be interested in attending. I tell her, I'm already booked for a Business Seminar in March by a company called My Success Academy. She tells me she has heard of those seminars and proceeds to give me some good tips on getting my business checking account. It was very good, because Mocha's mindset this year is to go ahead and organize both her companies, so the IRS won't be on her tail, and so she can be positioned better. Anyway! I was happy when I left the bank because it seemed like of course, things were flowing very well, except one of my clients still owes me some money for services rendered. The nice person I am, well, I'm keeping it simple, but bottom line I didn't have an attitude when I called her to inform her I need to know how she's going to rectify the balance due. We talked about it, and of course, things will be rectified pretty soon. My attitude in the past might have been very much different. But because every day I try to take a little spiritual medicine - prayer, meditate, and listening to my gospel music, helps to keep me balanced.

Flash forward to my house, after the bank and Staples. My bedroom/office was topsy turvy. I was faxing documents, checking emails, and preparing my bag for school for work on tommorrow. It's back to school. I have four schools to teach this week through June 2006, and just signed on for a youth program which will keep me busy. As a self employed artist never thought I'd be juggling all these projects, and at the same time, but I am. Never thought I'd have my own space to do everything I'm doing now, but see how God works it out. So, I'm saying, you'll never know what God has in store for you. So don't limit yourself.

I keep thinking out loud about my financial goals and other goals and I know that if I do everything I say I want to do, I will be in the driver's seat by June 2006. That's like D day for me. NO school between June and September, so I will have to hit the ground running with my other projects.

I'm a little nervous, so I won't lie about that. I mean, it's really cool to have my own schedule, and learning new things like managing a client base, working with artists, and organizing my businesses. But balancing my personal needs with the other things are going to be very challenging. I am not really in a "serious" relationship right now and that's okay. I know that sooner or later I will have to make a sacrifice and cut out some of the things I'm doing now. But for me, this is simple, though for most who know me, think I have an absolutely crazy schedule. I figure I can rest when I get 90.

And I know God won't put more on me that I can't handle. I'm just proud of my success and know without my family, God, and support system, I would not be here. And recently having made a decision to press on no matter what. I have faced some really interesting experiences which helped me to push on and define myself. Just want to let you know that... well, you can make it no matter what. Keep yourself balanced and things simple. What matters most, is your peace of mind, body and soul.

That's it. Everything else is "icing" on the cake!

- Mocha S.

i closed my eyes

i closed my eyes

Denial like untasted fruit
under my bitter tongue
tastes very sweet
When coupled with
the pain in my soul.
Can’t blame you.
Only blame me.
Cause I can only free me.
I know you are who you
are.
I know that you are rage
underneath all your charming
smooth shit.
Oh, yeah.
I know and I closed my eyes.
Every time you came up
with excuses.
I closed my eyes.
Play pretended that
you really did want to
be with me.
I closed my eyes.
Daydreamed of things
that could never be.
Tricked myself.
Being hustled by love’s
wicked games.
Yes, I know.
Can’t blame it all on you.
One plus one, equals two.
Tattered lies I told myself
would smack me in the face
and my heart would be tore
But it would not be only
you at fault, but me.
I know. Cause I closed
eyes, denying the truth.
Now, I have to cry, bullshit
falling from my lovely brown
eyes, at night.
While you smile, tucking in for the
night ignoring this love’s plight.
Still, I shine, and continue my
internal fight.
For I, will be alright.

(c) 2006 by Mocha Sistah

Learning How to Fly

May today there be peace within you. May you trust
God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
I believe that friends are quiet angels who lift us
to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering
how to fly.

I'm a bonafide control freak. What does that mean? Basically I want to control every aspect of my life, and often, find myself in constant battle with the earth and universe. Of course, it's good to be control freak when you organize, plan, and run multi-faceted programs and aspects of your life, but not with some things. I recently had to learn the concept of giving peace a full chance to bloom in my life. See, when you are in constant battle with the world, and fighting against what God wants you to have, it often is a struggle that blooms as frustration, worry, stress and other things that are not exactly putting you on the positive side of things. For a long long time, I always worried about a lot of things I had no control over and used to do everything myself. From getting jobs, to dealing with heavy issues, I was a very independent girl who handled 100% of everything. However, in the last few months of 2005, I learned to embrace opening my space to allow others to share the load. One, because I'm not superwoman, and two, prayer is a medicine that can help, heal, and inspire. Many of friends know how anal I can be when it comes to my life. But .... I'm learning to expand my wings and fly in the wind, with some support from the air of friendship, support, and unconditional love that pours in. The main change I have embraced is to allow others to see my vulnerability and open my space to allow God to do his job as well. Ain't no need in killing myself with worry and stress. So, lately I have had a 365 turn around in my ability to let go, be still and let God do what he does best - BLESS. I'm still struggling with some aspects of this new concept, but not when it comes to peace. My body, soul, and heart is thanking me daily when I actually I have embraced a little peace and quiet into my day.

A few tips on learning how to fly:

Let go of the negative concepts that you cannot do it. Whatever it is, go ahead, dream outloud and say it to yourself, write it down, and meditate on the positive result. Plant a little seed of hope in your brain and believe it. Stay away from negative influences in your life - whether that means, changing a learned behavior, or getting away from negative people in your life. Think outside the box and challenge your "limits". Are you really limited, or are you scared that you might just make it? Do not allow yourself to get caught up in someone eles's insecurity. We all have people who want to see us succeed, and others who simply are afraid of what will happen when we succeed. Take care of yourself - eat right, sleep right, and relax (try a balance of the three). Take a leap of faith - yes, I said it. whether you are spiritual or not, there is a lot said of having faith and standing on your values and beliefs. Surround yourself with others that are on the same path of you - to give you support as you try your wings out. Brainstorm about how you want to get where you want, be specific, write it down in your journal, or speak it into a digital recorder, tape it on your refrigerator, or somewhere you will be reminded of why/how you will fly. Get to where you want to go, baby step at a time and don't be unafraid to be vulnerable, and take a few bumps on the road to your success.

- Mocha Sistah

New Beginnings

Here it is, a few days into the new year and many folks are goal setting, or have long list of things they want to accomplish in the new year. Whether it is being financially free, debt free, losing weight, getting a new car, or other ones, folks are stressed out because they might be having issues with these "resolutions". It's great to have your goals, but I want you to think outside of the box in regards to your goals and how you want to accomplish them. Do you feel overwhelmed with these resolutions, and how many of these goals do you think you can complete? A few tips from the mistress of goal-setting. One, try to write down all your goals, then write alternative ways of reaching each goal. Which ones look feasible and manageable? Take the long list and trim it down to the most important ones that you can really focus on. Write your goal out, and when you want to complete it, but also write challenges that you might deal with to achieve those goals. Try to break down your goal in tiny baby steps. Take your time with your goal day by day and week by week. Don't get mad at yourself if it takes a while to get into the groove of completing steps to reach your goal. Everyday, every week, look at yourself in the mirror and chant out loud positive statements relating that goal. Find a good close friend and share that goal with them. When you are trying to reach that goal, I"m sure your friend will ask "how's it going with your goal of _____" Use this person as a listening board and brainstormer. Write down your goals, print out your own sheet that details your goal and little achievements you have in relation to the goal. Be realistic. If 10 goals for the year won't work, cut it down to 1 to 2 manageable ones. Just try to take your time to visualize your goal, say positive thoughts about achieving that goal to yourself and you can do it. Erase the past negativity of 2005 and say that 2006 is a NEW YEAR and go for it!