Do you remember how you felt, what you were doing, what you were eating, who you were dating, ten years ago? What styles did you wear? What were your favorite televison shows? Can you remember. I was thinking this morning about growth and change. As a creative being, I definitely don't remember my favorite shows, but I do recall being in a relationship over ten years ago. Me? Yes, I was in a long term relationship, and thought maybe I'd be married by age 28 but it didn't happen. I am not sad about it, I just think it's interesting to do a "go-back" check because I realize the person who I used to be is gone. My twenties were a period of time where I didn't feel comfortable in myself, had no self-realizations like I do now. I was working but not with any type of value in my life at the time. I used to live on the North Side of the City and wasn't as close with my family during that period in my life. I was just beginning my poetic journey and didn't even have a natural style. I had some perms that burned out my hair as I recall. But I loved living where I lived and I really wanted my relationship to work out but it didn't. I didn't cook for myself unless my boyfriend was with me. I liked being at home a lot more. I didn't use my voice or speak up for myself as much. I had a hard time in confronting people on issues. But as my own journey with my significant other came to a screeching halt, I began to break outside of that shell. At the end of that period of my life I began to search inside of me for my self-worth, love, and acceptance. It was more important for me to love me, to honor and cherish me. To be true to myself.
If you could change one thing about your self in the last ten years what would it be? for me, nothing. I think everything that happened, had to. I had to get burned by love, learn to let go, embrace my own Queendom. Create the positive being you know see through a series of changes. It was at age 28 that I began to question me being an enabler, and confronted my father about his absence in my life. I think those were important steps of change. I am glad I started to do my own self retreats. Take care of myself better and travel. As a young woman, I'd always be waiting for life to occur and I learned it's okay to rush life along too. So when I began to travel out of the city and country, I saw a bright bold world. I learned that it's okay to get outside your comfort zone. What's holding you back from living outside your comfort zone today? And are you willing to keep yourself at bay or live today? Because you know there's a difference between living and merely existing. Just think about it.
~ Mocha Sistah
4 comments:
Well, well, I need to answer this one seriously for ten years ago, my mariage came to a screeching halt. End. kupult. I had no faith or confidence in myself. I only knew my first and last name. I was 37 years old. Don Juan was 57 and called all the shots and he was too old now that I look back. I deserved better. So this was the beginning of the homelessness, living in one-room shacks that I should call it; however God was looking over me and watching me and I dare not look at his hand and ask him "What has you been doing?" if it were not for God helping this future Queen, Diamond keeping her head straight, she would have been long gone. I would have probably taken my own life. I had no family help, felt lost and confused, nothing but the clothes on my back, lost everything, possessions(material) yet I had my mind, well some of it anyway. But I am here today and I will tell anyone to not mess with me today for I have strength like that of a mighty warrior, Pocahontas and none of these folx dare not touch me cuz I have been tested and gone through the fire and come out unburned. Here I am today still standing and I only told you the half. Now, YOUR HAIR LOOKS BLAZINGS SIS, YOUR FACE IS MADE UP PRETY AND I LOVE THAT TOP AND THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE YOUR TOOLS IN YOUR HAND--THEY ARE ARE SAVING POWER! WORDS SAVED MY LIFE AND MY FAMILY WON'T TOUCH ME...BUT I AM NICE.
Queen Diamond
Well, I appreciate your candor my sister. I see your growth in the last few months as we have gotten to known each other. You are awesome and I feel that you are sooo much a great woman. I'm glad you pulled yourself out of the situation and that you have gone on to better things. As I recall my development, I was dealing with inner demons that caused me to have low self - esteem, the manifestation of my sexual abuse was low esteem, and me trying to please so many people and no speaking up for myself. My boyfriend, Tony, wasn't in the best shape emotionally, a single father who had his own set of issues, but we made it work. It worked well until I began to grow as a spoken word artist. He couldn't take it. He had huge issues with my growing lifestyle behind the microphone. So, it ended when I became a queen, became more vocal about problems in our relationship, and like most sisters I went through some deep issues with him - he was not faithful, and he was mad when I started to be independent. I got honest and told him I felt we needed space to grow, especially when he began to talk about wanting to date others, and I gave him his walking papers, then all the crazy stuff started. But I survived the break up, grew as a woman, got much closer to God, than ever and began my journey. I took my soul and spirit to another whole level I never imagined. God was the driver and I had to roll with it. He took me from a quiet woman who used to stay at the phone to a sister who demands a lot more than a man showing up. Yep, 10 yrs, have changed me a whole lot. I'm very grateful to God for what he has done to transcend me. And help me to help others (empowerment). I never had a personal mission until I was 30 and that's only 8 years ago so it's a damn good thang. ~ Mocha
I feel as though everything had to happen in order for me to become the person that I am today..The struggles, the triumphs were to assure me that I would achieve what I set out to do sis
EP, that's all that matters. The end results. Keep pushing, EP. Much appreciate your words.
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