La Diva Style (mocha'd)

Someone called me a diva the other day (me looking innocently). I quipped back, "yeah, right!" This person said that I"m "spoiled". Yes, I am. By me. I don't allow others to really do much for me (self-sufficient part of me I am working on). I'm a queen, so if that makes me a diva, then so be it. I think in my mid-thirties I am more vocal than I have ever been in my life. In my twenties I went through that phase of trying to please everyone but now I'm older, I am kind of very set in my ways, and I have a lot of confidence. I can't help that. But this person had me laughing and chuckling at his observing the fact that I am very in your face once you get to know me. I'm kind of proud of me being BOLD enough to really tell people what I really think. I think the fact that I won't allow anyone to run over me like I'm nothing is shocking some folks. Recently, I had to put my foot down and vocalize about having my personal information sent to the wrong place (by a former employer who doesn't care that my social security number is floating out in the world). Then I had to threaten them with calling the IRS because I felt injustified plus the fact that I had to call them folks made me very upset. On top of that when I called the organization in question, they disrespected me. Queen under grace. I prayed my way through that. Fought back with documentation and paperwork. Got my new information in the mail one week to the day. Another situation cropped up with a place that hired me and it's one month to the day that I began my work. I had to email the coordinator to be assertive enough to hopefully get compensation for services rendered. I"m a nice person, but let's not get it twisted because I can get real gritty with whomever it is in question. I have two sides of me, and believe you me, it's not always the inspiring spiritual child of the world. Come under my skin and you might have to get bitten. I mean, I'm just like most folks. I like to be treated well and with respect. I don't like to be diva, but if I have to straighten my crown on, then I will. If you want to try me, go ahead and ask the two organizations who felt the wrath of me (professionally). In other words, time is money and I don't like either to be wasted. My time and my energy is very much like worth the world to me.

La Diva
signing out
Saturday, February 25th
2:17 PM

Road Trip: Dayton, OH

So, I'm back from Dayton, Ohio where I had the opportunity to present at the Dayton Literary Festival with Dan Godston and Jennifer Karmin, two of my colleagues from the Poetry Center of Chicago and 2 people I consider literary geniuses in the line of work in which we do here in Chicago. We began our trip on Friday afternoon, when Dan picked me up and I slide into his car, meeting his lovely black dog, Gertie (aka "the poetry dog") in the packed car. The first few hours were spent updating each other on life events (they haven't seen me in few months) and we had a good time sharing poetry teaching techniques and just general funny moments as apart of teaching in the schools (some what of an impromptu meeting to prepare ourselves for the presentation at Dayton U.). We had a five minute meeting and that was about it.

I called my brother Kevin (aka "Andre") to let him know I would come by and say hi while in town, though my time was limited! It took us about six hours from Chicago to get to Dayton, because there was an accident on 75 but then, once we got into the city limits, we were able to slid by my brother's crib, say hi, hang out a bit, run over to the college, grab out registration packets for the event (around 7pm), then grab a bite to eat at a submarine sandwich shop (I had a Chicken Cheese Steak Sandwich that was off the chain) and then we dropped Andre back to his place, and had a chance to hear the Legendary Nikki Giovanni do her thing at the Victoria. I have never seen so many people in one place for a literary author. There were over 2,000 people in the place, old, young, white, black, it was a sea of faces that were glowing with the life she pumped into our souls. I really dug her storytelling and how she kind of segued way from the stories into the four bold poems she would read at the event. I was glad she read, "Nikki-Rosa" a beautiful poem that I have taught in a class before. She also read from the book she won an award - Rosa - also new poems from her book, "Quilting the Black-eyed Pea" which I picked up and also her CD which contains over 50 spoken word tracks. So that was pretty exciting for me. I wanted to have her autograph the book but it was so long (the line) and we had to get over to Cincinnati where we would be staying with Dan's family , so we left around 9:30 pm, where we picked up the poetry dog (from Andre's house).

Next day, we had to get up at six a.m. which was the earliest I have ever gotten up for a long long time. Jen and I did well, Dan was ready and we rolled out of Cincinatti back to Dayton, OH. After a little adjusting, we were on the road and ended up at the University on time at 8:15 a.m. where light breakfast was waiting for us. We set up our room for the presentation (testing the LCD player) and me testing the DVD equipment to ensure Dan's presentation and my audio would be able to work during the presentation. We had an early slot (9:00 am) and the presentation was about engaging youth in poetry with multidisplinary projects. Dan's part of the presentation dealt with some generational projects his students completed with senior citizens and students making rain sticks with poetry (cool); my poetry presentation was interactive with fun poetry things educators could do with their students - like the poetry pledge we do at the beginning or ending of each of my classes, "popcorning" poetry, and showcasing some of the student work that has been published or recorded and Jen's poetry presentation was very nice showcasing student work that was actually written and focused on teaching youth how to write free verse.

The rest of the day was spent at several workshops. Some excellent, some very boring, some very bad. There was one that sticks out in my mind - the one about Langston Hughes. Let's just say it was presented in a paper format and the person read Langston's poems "dead". I am like how can you read Langston's poems like with no feeling? That one was a struggle to sit in (imagine more than one hour in one place listening to a person talk about Langston's life as a Underground Communist. I wanted to hear more about his life as a writer, what make him a communist? And linking all of the pieces together poetically. But who am I anyway?

I did enjoy a short conversation with the legendary Toure, whose presenation was a few hours before we got to Dayton, OH. I had to pinch myself as I stood at the reception, having a general conversation with him about the Literary event.

I was happy we did get good response on our presentation, though the attendance was less to be desired. One of the attendees said she wanted our group to come back to present more about what we do with Undergraduate student teachers. I hope we do get to do that so I can come back and visit with Andre.

The other part of the trip was spent with Dan's family and we had a good time generally. Sorry no partying went on during this "working vacation" but don't worry. I'm slated to go on the HBCU trip to Ocho Rios later this year (late May) so I'm pretty sure that trip will be a no-sleep trip where I will be in all kinds of mocha madness.

Until then, ya'll be blessed and I'll talk with you soon.

Blessings,
~~Mocha Sistah

At Daylight

I'm need deep in so many projects it ain't funny. Funny how time goes by when you are on the grind. I remember my first business, a few years ago I got the bright idea to create customized poetry and greeting cards, alas, it never worked. I didn't have the drive to push it through, or the business sense to keep up a clientele any way. At the time i was just a "poet". After years of working for others, I have learned to use my hard and soft skills as a counselor, writer, teacher, secretary, and other things to push my new business, PR Services For You, to the next level. I am most proud of all the wonderful folks taking a chance on me. I'm like so new at this thing but I'm blessed by the one above and I continue to work really really hard that maybe I'll be able to break my stride and see the sunlight. I'm currently writing bios for artists and that has been the most fun. I'm moving into editor and typesetting mode, learning how to format books has been the hardest thing I have ever done but once I perfect it, I will be someone to use as a resource of publishing novels and other short form books.

I'm going to exhibit this weekend in Dayton, OH and that will be the most cool thing I have done in a while. I am digging through poems, judging poems for a poetry contest, about to release another poetry book and hopefully will have an editor to firm up "When Rainbows Aint' Enough".

Last night's event at the Touch of the Past was the best Valentine's I have had. There were over 15 TOP LINE FEMALE ARTISTS in Chicago! Brenda Matthews, Reality, myself, Lady Z, WGCI's "Sundance", and other artists I can't name, were bringing the poetic funk in all kinds of ways. Brothers were out in full force including 3 Brothers and a Mic (Mo & Odyssey represented well), along with Carl Lewis who blessed us with some musicality of his saxophone.

Coming up next for me (whenever daylight comes I'll let u know) is a spoken word workshop in the Palatine, IL area (March 4, 2006), Tears of a Woman Booksigning at Scentuary mid-March and a possible trip to Atlanta to perform.

Shot outs to LEAZON and NEF Entertainment, which supplies the artists PR Services For You have been assisting, and the many mocha friends and fans who keep sending referrals. For those who don't know what I do, I'm doing bios, artistic statements, press kits creation and distribution, ghostwriting, and line editing of manuscripts. If you wnat to know more, just email me at prservicesforyou@sbcglobal.net.

Blessings to you. Hope you enjoyed your Valentine's day whether you had a Valentine or not. But I'm willing to bet you love you and there's at least one person who does feel the same. Believe that.

~ With Love and Light,
Mocha Sistah

This and That

This past week I attended a funeral, and thought to myself, as we often do, how precious life is and how our time is not guaranteed. How many times have you done something that you wish you could take back? Several times, I'm sure. I have done the same thing. While at the funeral of a very good friend's family member (who died a little too soon for her liking) I was reminded that we have to live in the NOW. I mean, I love daydreaming, but reality is reality and that's something that we have to deal with. Now is the time to embrace your future, dreams, and desires and realize your purpose in life. Yes, I have to go there because we are always like wishing we could do this and that and I know (me included) that time is precious, nothing is promised and that we must do the best in the present to enjoy it and do what it is we think we are designed to do.

Friday in my class, I had a student tell me that they recently were introduced to a gang and joined it. It was something that surprised me. One, because my image of this boy is that he's clean cut, smart, and responsible. I never would have thought he'd join a gang, but I don't know his personal situation at home. He's just a student in one of my poetry classes. A very cool kid indeed. But I think he implanted a message in my brain, now my job is figure out what to do with the message he gave me. His response was very much laid back but he didn't seem to be very strong about why he joined the gang. He's in seventh grade and that notion of him living a life in a gang was something I couldn't wrap myself around. I'm still musing on it.

Saturday I attended the African American Read In sponsored by a local writers group. The event hosted 12 authors and spoken word smyths. It was well attended and held at Chicago's Malcolm X College. All the authors got a chance to read from their work, sell books, but most importantly share their words with the audience. I chose to read three selections - "I Want To Go Back" a fun poetic expression about the old days, "Beautiful One" a poem that I love to read that is an ode to women, and "The Congo" a cultural piece. A part of being at the event was having each author interviewed and performances taped for a local cable show hosted by Tacora Rogers, on Channel 19. The show will be aired on a future Monday show at 10 pm. Once I find out the airing, I will definitely inform my "peoples". I had so much fun yesterday. I ran into fellow Alabama poet "Marc Lacy" who recited some words (poetically!). Some of the people I saw that haven't seen me in a while were surprised because I looked a little different (as I lost more weight and let my hair grow).

My weekend ended with some friends at a party where we discussed politics, the state of the Chicago Public School System, while having tons of fun watching Apollo Showcase and re-runs of American Idol.

I'll have to update you next week or other happenings. I will most likely post my happenings for this month in the next blog.

Blessings and thanks for your continued support.

~ Mocha

Town Happenings and Observations

Observations
So these past few weeks I have met a few brothers, trying to get my feet wet in the dating arena, and I now realize there's a reason why I normally don't date. One, is it me, or am I tripping about the fact that many of these brothers don't really want to meet an authentic sister such as myself. A lot of guys I'm running into want to expose their physicality instead of show their personality and really reveal who they are. I am a pretty conscious sister and many I have dated have had me laughing either inside or out. The old days of meeting folks are over, where is the romance? Where is the friendship part of dating? Anyway, yesterday I was supposed to hang out with this new guy but once again, he showed me how "shady" brothers can be by not following through on meeting up with me. My thing is this - I'm a Queen and my job is not to open my legs for just any guy, two, I ain't coming to a man's house if he can't meet me half way. If you can't spend time with me in a neutral environment, that tells me all I really know. And why are people so focused on the physicality. Just my observations. Needless to say, I am moving on to the next on my list (cause you know I got one). The one thing I've learned to take men at face value. If he says he's going to do something and he doesn't, then I"m moving on. No second chances. Life is too short to SHORT CHANGE yourself. With saying that, I'm saying ladies stop making excuses for people. If the man can't follow through on basic things, what are you trying to do with him? If you're not a priority at the beginning of the dating process, where can it go from there? Ummm, just food for thought. Yes, my momma ain't raised no fool. Though I have played the fool in the past, I have learned a few things. And I try to demand respect with many that I meet because hell, many sisters won't. IF that makes me difficult to work with , then that's okay too. The one whom I'm being prepared for, will enjoy a real woman, not a puppet.

On to other things....Yesterday a few friends and I went to Sal and Carvao, a Brazilian restaurant (www.salecarvao.com) downtown Chicago. My good friend, SB, turned 36 and we all wanted to get drinks and hang out. Anyway, when I arrived with Raymond, SB's good friend, we should have known something was gonna be fishy. We walked up the stairs and there was a party of white folks up on the second level. It seemed as though the air changed and all heads watched the chocolate folks roll in. They seemed to have an issue with us being there too. After sitting down and meeting some of the other folks attending SB's soiree, it took forever for a damn server to get over to us. SB asked the manager when she would be able to play her music (she brought CD's and the event planner said she should have no problem in using that with the music system) however there was some old ancient dude on the ivory (piano) looking at our table with bugged out eyes and they seemed to swell with time. Anyway, he begins to play "happy birthday" to you reall really loud and my table started to trip the hell out. First of all the music was like storming over our conversation, and SB started cracking jokes. At some point I got a drink (Malibu and Coke) which was kind of weak i might add, and we all began an interesting conversation about sex and relationships. Plus I told the girls a funny story about a guy who e-stripped for me (hey, it's not my fault...!) Anyway, we were there for a minute and kept waiting for the server to come back over to ask us for additional drinks. The young server was white and young and he didn't come back to our table. So twenty minutes later as we still conversating and I'm eating the ice out of my glass (that's a bad sign I might add), he slides the check on the counter, not our table, motioning over to us like we're heathens and not coming to our table to bring the damn check. So me and another sister said, "We ain't going over there to (where he was standing) get the damn check." Basically the server didn't come to our table. Wanted us to get out of our seats to see the check (which was laying on the counter near him)... Now it's customary to bring the check to your customer's table. Anyway, chile we were mad at hell. So when we finally went out of the restaurant, we went over to the area where the check was laying and I simply asked the guy, "Why didn't you come back to our table. I wanted something else to drink" He looked dumbfied. Bland and stupid. I was queen and I didn't get too evil but then he goes and puts the money in his system and returns my change. ON the way out of the place, he says thank you. I'm like, "Yes, Thank you." Kind of sarcastically. Then I grabbed a card with the restaurant number. We all pretty much felt as though we were being ignored because we were the only AA's in the joint and they were rude. I am calling the Event Planner with my complaint, because no one should have to go through that. One of my friends guest said, "Aight, sweetie, forget it!" Bump that. I don't think so. Shit, they didn't know if I was an critic or someone of importance sitting up in that joint. You know! Oh, yes, I will be telling this story to someone and posting my review on Metromix.com. Don't mess with Mocha.

He he he. Anyway, have a great week. I promise I'll be good. Whew!

Blessings,
Mocha Sistah

Tour of my mini-office

Let's see, I have to break the usual mocha chatter to give you an update on the mini-office. On my left (or to my left) is the fax/scanner/copier (HP Office Jet 5610) which does a pretty good job week to week. I just have to go ahead and keep the ink stocked to death cause I'm copying poems, tutoring lessons, and other stuff. I use HP paper which is to my left in the bundle of folders, poem folders, journals, and other stuff underneath the copier. Just so you know I was so on the grind this week that I didn't use the copier too much because I ran out of ink, yes, I did so I had to ask some of my schools to make copies there, but it's all good. They are very supportive.

To my center is my money maker, the DELL pc, which has a webcam attached to it (no, I hardly ever use the thingy, except to make cute head shots with it). Currently I'm typing on the keyboard which is centered as well. A microphone lays near the speaker (one of the speakers) that's on my left. A pen/pencil/marker holder also has business cards stuck in it, with some hair pens??? Stuck to my computer is this statement "If you haven't been taking care of yourself emotionally, spiritually, and mentally, of course it will show on the outside. Do yourself a favor and tend to your needs so that when you look in the mirror, you blush."

My dsl console is behind the little gray/black speaker. Stuck on the little area (i don't know how to describe this) are pens near the keyboard. you know that area between the Esc keys and the actual keys of the keyboard. Laying on my beige cabinet is a journal, some medical forms, a calculator, and a letter which is over due to be sent via mail for an event I"m doing next week. Yes, it's late. On top of the cabinet is a floetry Cd, client folders, and a stack of business cards, my birth certificate , and a brown clip board.

On the floor are four books, Smart Women Finish Rich, Totally HEROTICA, Sex and the Single Sister, and a novel by Eric Jerome Dickey. My mini-office supply drawers are filled with staples, floppy disks, paper clips, address books, and software disks among other things. Behind the wall (of the computer) is my "Desire Creates Power" holder, pictures of the girls I used to mentor, a brown candle, a pen holder from Mexico, old family pictures and a note from my 9th grade teacher (Earth Science Class at Kenwood academy) along with a good luck charm. My poster board on the wall has curriculum (poetry lessons) hanging on it, as well as timesheet times for all my independent work, cool cards, and reminders for upcoming events. A pink container holds the over 200 student poems in seperate "Hands on Stanzas" folders. Near the container is a brown drawer that has four candles (vanilla, strawberry, peach and blueberry flavors) as well as my African sister holding my pens and other whatnots.

A digital recorder( I done wrote some good jingles on the digital and some confessions which I had to erase...more on that later) and some bills, a lip gloss, an old cell phone and my tv remote on top of the drawer and underneath it are more poems, co-written with other poets, my bible (spiritual food), books, bills, more bills and more poetry books by other independent poets like myself. (Thanks Queen Writer for this idea this week!). On the floor a beige telephone, more student poems, and black slippers. (That's half the mini-tour) the rest is my bedroom - a bed, television, dvd player, dvds, and cds litter the rest of the room along with awards on my walls, a beautiful picture of an african american couple entertwined, a health calendar, and two "teary" eyed faces on the wall in the bedroom face me as I type this very blog. ON the floor a radio, more paper from my formatting manual, and a basket in the corner (I think it's betty boop, cause that's my favorite girl!) Geez, I can't type no more so I'll have to catch you beautiful folks later. I was going out tonight but a date got cancelled. But tommorrow's another day. Party at Sal & Cavaio's downtown on Clark Street and drinks with a few friends will rap up the weekend before I format 2 books and start a new one. All this before Monday? Yes, it's all in the life of Mocha Sistah. Take care and enjoy the tour.

I forgot to mention the old fashioned light is shining right by my left as I type these very words shining on my old 2005 pink and white journal that hold some very tasty poems from trips abroad.

Beautiful Happenings

Whirlwind type of week for me, I didn't even have time to breath. I hit the ground running on Monday, just meeting with a new employer (i.e. One Economy) for a briefing on my role as Independent Consultant for training a group of youth in West Haven (Chicago's west side just near United Center). It was MLK's day and just reminded me briefly of what God has assigned me to do - be an advocate for youth, inspire and challenge them, so it felt so befitting to be entrusted with their care and development (sorry to be so deep, but after the fire last week my thoughts are even deepa than before). Tuesday brought a cool, crazy day! Now, it's really cold outside in Chicago and Mocha has no hat on, freezing, on the way to class, almost got there late because sometimes in the morning, I get a little lazy, because I don't work a regular job. And the traffic was back to back on South Shore Drive, but God got me there on time. My students wrote Haikus, some darn good ones, I might add. The lovely part of the class/school is the teachers and there support. Best class, it's hard to say, but I'd say Pettis' fifth and sixth grade class, because he also helps with the poetry programming. The third class wasn't able to fully get into the Haiku exercise, because there was a fire drill, and there was a substitute in my regular class - can you say, kids on "crack" cause they cracked jokes, acting all disrespectful, and I had a lot of "please listen". Trying to be calm, cause ya'll know I have a lot of fire in me, ha ha ha. But they were better after the drill, but it's nearly impossible to think you're gonna get a wonderful haiku poem in less than 20 minutes. Haiku, for those who don't know is a Japanese poetry format, 3 lines, with 17 syllables. It's a very focused writing activity that you have to critically think about the words you use and how many syllables that are used in each line. After class, I traveled through downtown, got my bus pass, yes, I"m still on the bus. Ya'll know I"m a regular woman. After that I grabbed a quick lunch at McD's (a salad and diet coke); and got to Parker Community, where I tutor third graders. By 4 pm, I'd be on my way home, to chill for a few hours, lay my head, check some emails, and get back in the poetry spot. My best friend, Steph. B is a doctor and she been taking me around to a few spots, so I read two pieces at the Touch of the Past, a nice spot in Bellwood. Dusted out some non-teaching material (a piece called, "nappy headed black gurl" and one sensual piece that was very appreciated by the brothers...) Just testing my waters. Quiet as it's kept, the last time I read was in St. Louis in August 2005. Thursday night I ended up supporting fellow writer, Nikki Woods, as she rolled out her new book, "Easier Said Than Done", at the Dusable Museum in Hyde Park. We had a good time (me and Steph.) Music was by the hot female deejay on the ones and twos, WGCI's, Sundance and nice positive energy. I'm glad we got there early because it got packed real quick. The funny thing about the event is that Nikki Woods, is also a radio personality on WGCI and on my writing list serve for Prolific Writers Network. She knows my name, but never got to meet me, and it was nice to see her, and support her. She's inspired me to drag out one of my novels and get it done, cause like she says, "I can do it, cause I want to!" Life is so short and precious, why wait? Like Queen Writer, I want to be able to push out my story asap, so more of it can be consumed by others! As you see, there's never a dull moment with me. I have a few books to format for publication (not mines); a couple of journals to type, but some fun on the plate for the weekend. It's snowing, but who cares! I love snow. I'll be on way again Saturday to a party and Sunday hopefully to recharge my batteries. Much love and peace to you all. May you continue to stay in the light.

A Day Above Ground

You know i love Candles, I have them in every room of my house. I burn 'em every chance I get. Well, yesterday was a regular day. I burned candles in the bedroom, living room and bathroom. You know relaxing. It's a friday! So anyway, I was watching a movie in the bedroom, fell asleep, then I heard a slight crack, but didn't go no where, I just laid in my bed. A few minutes later, the smoke bellowed in, I jumped up, and ran to the living room, (no shoes ya'll), and saw little bity pieces of sharred glass on the floor and mini-fires on the floor. The damn candles on the living room floor was burning down. (THIS IS A TRUE STORY). I walked (calmly i might add) to the kitchen got a rag, and dabbed the little fires out, and started the clean up. I was pissed when I remember I put some candles in a my little "carnival" cup - which was made of PLASTIC. SHIT< DAMN AND FUCK where the words in my head when I remember this. Anyway, not only did I lose my table, got a cut on my foot, my college degree was half burned, oh yeah! But I can replace that. Again, I'm alive by the blessing of God.

The firefighters came way too late; and by the time they got there, I had the glass cleaned up and basically wanted to ask my building manager how to resolve the carpet issue (the carpet took a bad beating with the melted candle and glass on it) but besides that none of my magazines, poetry books, poems, or other paper items even got burned, except one of my little journals. My place still looks the same except I have to find a throw rug for the moment But I"m blessed.

The thing is if I hadn't woke up, I would have been DEAD. For real. I'm lucky I'm a light sleeper b/c it would have been a different situation.

You know I love so, ladies, please be careful with the candles. Please from my heart to yours.

--- Yes, I still love candles, and most of my candles are in glass containers, but it's gonna be a while before I get brave up in here - to burn 'em--- gracias!!!! i'm breathing.

Have a beautiful weekend
and blessings,
Mocha Sistah

Keeping it Simple

Soooo, today was my last day off work before going back to school. It's been one funny situation after another. I'm making copies this morning (in my mini-office) and I run out of ink, had to go over to Staples and get ink to last me for at least two weeks. Of course, Mocha couldn't stop at the ink so I bought, new stationary, paper for the printer, and other things that will keep my office running smooth. Before I went to Staples, I ran over to the bank and deposited some checks (can you say HALLELUJAH). All the checks are for my work as a self employed artist. While at the bank, I"m talking with the young lady who's my teller and she tells me that the bank will be having a business seminar that I might be interested in attending. I tell her, I'm already booked for a Business Seminar in March by a company called My Success Academy. She tells me she has heard of those seminars and proceeds to give me some good tips on getting my business checking account. It was very good, because Mocha's mindset this year is to go ahead and organize both her companies, so the IRS won't be on her tail, and so she can be positioned better. Anyway! I was happy when I left the bank because it seemed like of course, things were flowing very well, except one of my clients still owes me some money for services rendered. The nice person I am, well, I'm keeping it simple, but bottom line I didn't have an attitude when I called her to inform her I need to know how she's going to rectify the balance due. We talked about it, and of course, things will be rectified pretty soon. My attitude in the past might have been very much different. But because every day I try to take a little spiritual medicine - prayer, meditate, and listening to my gospel music, helps to keep me balanced.

Flash forward to my house, after the bank and Staples. My bedroom/office was topsy turvy. I was faxing documents, checking emails, and preparing my bag for school for work on tommorrow. It's back to school. I have four schools to teach this week through June 2006, and just signed on for a youth program which will keep me busy. As a self employed artist never thought I'd be juggling all these projects, and at the same time, but I am. Never thought I'd have my own space to do everything I'm doing now, but see how God works it out. So, I'm saying, you'll never know what God has in store for you. So don't limit yourself.

I keep thinking out loud about my financial goals and other goals and I know that if I do everything I say I want to do, I will be in the driver's seat by June 2006. That's like D day for me. NO school between June and September, so I will have to hit the ground running with my other projects.

I'm a little nervous, so I won't lie about that. I mean, it's really cool to have my own schedule, and learning new things like managing a client base, working with artists, and organizing my businesses. But balancing my personal needs with the other things are going to be very challenging. I am not really in a "serious" relationship right now and that's okay. I know that sooner or later I will have to make a sacrifice and cut out some of the things I'm doing now. But for me, this is simple, though for most who know me, think I have an absolutely crazy schedule. I figure I can rest when I get 90.

And I know God won't put more on me that I can't handle. I'm just proud of my success and know without my family, God, and support system, I would not be here. And recently having made a decision to press on no matter what. I have faced some really interesting experiences which helped me to push on and define myself. Just want to let you know that... well, you can make it no matter what. Keep yourself balanced and things simple. What matters most, is your peace of mind, body and soul.

That's it. Everything else is "icing" on the cake!

- Mocha S.

i closed my eyes

i closed my eyes

Denial like untasted fruit
under my bitter tongue
tastes very sweet
When coupled with
the pain in my soul.
Can’t blame you.
Only blame me.
Cause I can only free me.
I know you are who you
are.
I know that you are rage
underneath all your charming
smooth shit.
Oh, yeah.
I know and I closed my eyes.
Every time you came up
with excuses.
I closed my eyes.
Play pretended that
you really did want to
be with me.
I closed my eyes.
Daydreamed of things
that could never be.
Tricked myself.
Being hustled by love’s
wicked games.
Yes, I know.
Can’t blame it all on you.
One plus one, equals two.
Tattered lies I told myself
would smack me in the face
and my heart would be tore
But it would not be only
you at fault, but me.
I know. Cause I closed
eyes, denying the truth.
Now, I have to cry, bullshit
falling from my lovely brown
eyes, at night.
While you smile, tucking in for the
night ignoring this love’s plight.
Still, I shine, and continue my
internal fight.
For I, will be alright.

(c) 2006 by Mocha Sistah

Learning How to Fly

May today there be peace within you. May you trust
God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
I believe that friends are quiet angels who lift us
to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering
how to fly.

I'm a bonafide control freak. What does that mean? Basically I want to control every aspect of my life, and often, find myself in constant battle with the earth and universe. Of course, it's good to be control freak when you organize, plan, and run multi-faceted programs and aspects of your life, but not with some things. I recently had to learn the concept of giving peace a full chance to bloom in my life. See, when you are in constant battle with the world, and fighting against what God wants you to have, it often is a struggle that blooms as frustration, worry, stress and other things that are not exactly putting you on the positive side of things. For a long long time, I always worried about a lot of things I had no control over and used to do everything myself. From getting jobs, to dealing with heavy issues, I was a very independent girl who handled 100% of everything. However, in the last few months of 2005, I learned to embrace opening my space to allow others to share the load. One, because I'm not superwoman, and two, prayer is a medicine that can help, heal, and inspire. Many of friends know how anal I can be when it comes to my life. But .... I'm learning to expand my wings and fly in the wind, with some support from the air of friendship, support, and unconditional love that pours in. The main change I have embraced is to allow others to see my vulnerability and open my space to allow God to do his job as well. Ain't no need in killing myself with worry and stress. So, lately I have had a 365 turn around in my ability to let go, be still and let God do what he does best - BLESS. I'm still struggling with some aspects of this new concept, but not when it comes to peace. My body, soul, and heart is thanking me daily when I actually I have embraced a little peace and quiet into my day.

A few tips on learning how to fly:

Let go of the negative concepts that you cannot do it. Whatever it is, go ahead, dream outloud and say it to yourself, write it down, and meditate on the positive result. Plant a little seed of hope in your brain and believe it. Stay away from negative influences in your life - whether that means, changing a learned behavior, or getting away from negative people in your life. Think outside the box and challenge your "limits". Are you really limited, or are you scared that you might just make it? Do not allow yourself to get caught up in someone eles's insecurity. We all have people who want to see us succeed, and others who simply are afraid of what will happen when we succeed. Take care of yourself - eat right, sleep right, and relax (try a balance of the three). Take a leap of faith - yes, I said it. whether you are spiritual or not, there is a lot said of having faith and standing on your values and beliefs. Surround yourself with others that are on the same path of you - to give you support as you try your wings out. Brainstorm about how you want to get where you want, be specific, write it down in your journal, or speak it into a digital recorder, tape it on your refrigerator, or somewhere you will be reminded of why/how you will fly. Get to where you want to go, baby step at a time and don't be unafraid to be vulnerable, and take a few bumps on the road to your success.

- Mocha Sistah

New Beginnings

Here it is, a few days into the new year and many folks are goal setting, or have long list of things they want to accomplish in the new year. Whether it is being financially free, debt free, losing weight, getting a new car, or other ones, folks are stressed out because they might be having issues with these "resolutions". It's great to have your goals, but I want you to think outside of the box in regards to your goals and how you want to accomplish them. Do you feel overwhelmed with these resolutions, and how many of these goals do you think you can complete? A few tips from the mistress of goal-setting. One, try to write down all your goals, then write alternative ways of reaching each goal. Which ones look feasible and manageable? Take the long list and trim it down to the most important ones that you can really focus on. Write your goal out, and when you want to complete it, but also write challenges that you might deal with to achieve those goals. Try to break down your goal in tiny baby steps. Take your time with your goal day by day and week by week. Don't get mad at yourself if it takes a while to get into the groove of completing steps to reach your goal. Everyday, every week, look at yourself in the mirror and chant out loud positive statements relating that goal. Find a good close friend and share that goal with them. When you are trying to reach that goal, I"m sure your friend will ask "how's it going with your goal of _____" Use this person as a listening board and brainstormer. Write down your goals, print out your own sheet that details your goal and little achievements you have in relation to the goal. Be realistic. If 10 goals for the year won't work, cut it down to 1 to 2 manageable ones. Just try to take your time to visualize your goal, say positive thoughts about achieving that goal to yourself and you can do it. Erase the past negativity of 2005 and say that 2006 is a NEW YEAR and go for it!

Highs and Lows

In terms of Highs and Lows of 2005, there are far less lows, than they were highs. It was a phenomenal year in terms of professional and personal success. I opened the year by hitting my goal of losing weight, though I wasn't really trying to. When I got on the scale at my job and decided to join a "weight contest" where winners would get cash at the end, I just did it for a few measly bucks but the goal was set and I was ready to go. By Summer 2006, I would be 25 pounds slimmer. By the fall I would lose a few more pounds bringing me to my current total of 32 pounds shaved off my frame. The results of this high would make summer 2006 the first time I put back on a swim suit! But I wasn't finished yet. My health took a hit as I went through a series of tests to check a problem that I thought wouldn't ever be resolved but with God's grace, eventually was. That was a serious low, because when you are dealing with something that isn't really resolved, you get a little concerned. Flashback to all the great trips I took and you'll find I traveled between Wisconsin and the Bahamas. The high has to be meeting (again), author Zane and being able to be the only poet on the Literary Cruise while selling out my book, Black Orchids. The serious literary low was going to a literary event that I didn't sell much but gained some personal success as I allowed myself to completely enjoy the trip anyway, tossing the negative notions, and gaining a lot of holistic lessons along the way. I was slapped with ugly reality when my job started to go through severe changes during summer 2006. I lost co-workers I had been working with for four years, was very disappointed to find out that my job didn't intend on reversing my part-time work status, and for the first time ever, my financial situation was tight to say the least, and and other battles with this place came in my face forcing me to show the best of Mocha Sistah under pressure. But of course, that is where God comes in. Fall 2005 would bring me leaving abruptly, not being able to close out a successful period where I mentored girls, but working on my personal goals for the rest of 2005. If most of you are on my list, you know that for years I been talking about the notion of being a self-employed artist. BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU ASK FOR. God gave it to me on a plate. So, I had to fix a full one. After being laid off, immediately I called good girl friend/collaborator, LB, and we discussed what I wanted to do in a four hour conversation. She shared her tips (she's self employed - 3 years in the game!) and I gave her my list of top things I wanted to complete. Within one month, I would complete everything on my list. If that ain't God, I don't know what. There's also power in prayer and I did have a lot of that coming from folks who have been knowing me and supporting me through my transition. A month later from the laid off job, I was basically on the internet twenty four seven, posting my services, looking for part time jobs, and on the internet trying to get my business started. It would take 2 months to get my first client. It would take to December to get the financial picture a little brighter. Through my transition, I wasn't broke at all, and everything I needed (not wanted) was totally provided by family, friends, and God. I was able to keep my regular life but the focus was on different things. See when you are working a regular nine to five and got regular paydates, I think your mind set is so different. Like you know you have an extra check coming so you do overspend because you know another check will be in your account, well, not so for the self employed person. Checks come differently, most of them are not direct deposited and you have to budget yourself. I have mastered that quite greatly the last part of 2005 with a good financial plan for 2006. Going through my transition helped me to focus more on my faith and where I wanted to be in the next few years as a writer and entrepreneur. The highs of December were acquiring new business for 2005, taking on new roles as typesetting books, creating marketing materials, and not limiting my skills, which is opening up new avenues for me. I'm much more happier and calmer these days, not stressed like I used to be (working that other job). There's a pleasure in knowing you are creating change by working with youth, and helping people. That is what I love to do. I see the highs of 2005 elevated me to where I needed to be. I learned a lot about myself this year - like I do have a bite to me and when someone feels like they want to walk over my values and rights, then I will be a force to be reckoned with. I hit my goals and created new ones. My mini-home office is buzzing and I've gotten a fire wall set up on my computer with my anti-virus software. I'm still maintaining my weight and hope to hit the gym in early 2006 to lose a few more pounds. At the end of 2004 I said that 2005 would be my year and it was. I came full circle with a lot of things. I will say my prayer (between me and God) on Saturday the 31st and will hit the ground running on January 2nd, when I begin acquiring my new clients. No matter what will happen, I do embrace whatever the universe will bring because I know that where I'm at, is exactly where I need to be because God doesn't put you where you don't need to be. I'm okay with whatever lessons come this way and I hope that 2006 brings you all prosperity, health, and success. Be bold. Unafraid. Grab your future with your hands and go for it. Cause dreaming out loud ain't a bad thing.

Hotep,
Mocha Sistah

Reflections

Today I had the chance to do a little volunteering at the Zoo of all places. Got a chance to slow down and enjoy the natural elements, a little chilled wind to my face, and all the holiday lights, meeting families and little ones, helping them with their little decorations at the craft table I worked. It was nice. It's just nice helping out folks. I think a lot of single women during the holiday season simply are overwhelmed, or beating themselves up for what they didn't do during the year, especially if they are in my age bracket. Women in the mid-thirties, if they don't have children, sometimes might have that torturous voice echoing in their head about lack of men, or children or both. For me, I'm in the middle ground. I'm not exactly sad about not having my children yet, but I would like to build a family with someone who is a good father, and will balance me out. I'm not rushing to have a child, nor do I feel a biological clock ticking around my ovaries. I do know that when it's time for me to make that sacrifice, God will tell me. I think it's important that many of us not rush, especially if we have family members chipping in their comments. I mean, folks are gonna say what they wanna say, especially when you are a mature sister, who has never had children. The same can be said of the fellas. I think it's important to just do "you" until you are ready to make that sacrifice and I don't think it's selfish.

I think waiting on child-bearing has made me a better person, especially experiences with community programs, mentoring youth, and teaching youth. I love children! Don't get me wrong, but there's a definite sacrifice. And I want my children to be loved and in a great foundation hopefully with a balanced home with a man that is there for the long haul. Maybe I'm a dreamer. I still am old fashioned girl who believes that can be.

Until we meet, I'll try to blog again before Sunday's new arrival of 2006! I have not even begun to reflect in my journal of the things that have transpired in the last four months. But I'll try to make up for lost time this weekend.

Be blessed,
Mocha Sistah

Music and Everything else!

"Get yo self in the grind sistah"

Hey what's up. I'm in the midst of doing several roles in my life. Newest role is being a pr girl, sort of. I'm hitting the scene by advocating for artists, sending out press kits, and booking my client for appearances. Really learning things from the ground up. So far, it's been crazy. I am getting emails from Australia, New York and other cities, networking with producers for my artist is getting me in teh groove of a whole new world. It's kind of fun and breaks the schedule up. Before all this happened, I used to be sitting at home, chilling in my pajamas, watching televison while trying to decide what I needed to do, drink some tea, or try to write a poem or two. Now it's been hard as hell to write anything but i'm not complaining. I am really doing well. It's kind of fun because whatever I do, I will be thinking about using to help other artists and myself. Though I don't fancy myself in the industry, because I'm not a "out there type of girl" as far as performing ---- I know you are probably thinking "what mocha?" But really, I doin't want to be on the stage in that way, I like reciting poetry and such, but don't want to be on the stage as an artist. I rather love the back ground stuff much better. Just this week I found a great site (I'll share at some point) that had a lot of great information for new artists. I am learning so much I think my brain is gonna bleed over kill of info! Today's poetry day on PWN. I hope to bring at least a few pieces. I didn't write much last week. Okay. Well, love ya'll but I gotta go and get ready for my day. Stay blessed!

Best of 2005 - Musing TRIPS

1) Los Angeles, CA - June 2005
2) Bahamas Cruise with Strebor Books - April 2005
3) St. Louis, MO - August 2005
4) Madison, WI - March 2005

When I was able to go to the Los Angeles Black Book Expo in June, I stayed with Zakiya, we had a ball in the hotel, the trip was not "economically" the best one, but I got a lot of rest and had a lot of fun. Maybe it was the lemon Margaritas in the hotel or the sighting of actress Lisa Raye, or maybe it was the jacuzzi in the hot blazing sun in June. Whatever it was, I want more of it. Backtrack to April's Bahamas trip with the Strebor Book Cruise (author Zane and her crew). I enjoyed the Bahamas, had an excellent roommate, author Felicia Madlock, and of course, sold out of my books on that cruise. We partied hard, and had lots of fun. It rained the first day there, but I got a lot of nice things on this trip, and came on home very happy. I was invited to the Spoken Word Expo by my good friend, Mr. Talley (www.mrtalley.com) and had a good time there. Saw some family, hung out for a few days, and I sold some CDs on that trip. I recited at Legacy, and another event hosted by Chill Da Playa, and that was a good trip too. (all my trips are good trips - smile). The beginning of 2005 I had a great opportunity to perform on the Higher Ground with Jonathan Overby and it was on the University of Wisconsin's campus in Madison, WI. I thoroughly enjoyed this. It was my family's first road trip with me. I was treated like royalty. Had an interview on the "couch" and performed along the side of other traditonal bands, guitarists, a theater troupe. I had too much fun. The way this show is set up, you are interviewed on the couch first, then you are performing in between other acts. I might be going back up there in 2006. It was sooo much fun and the crew that produces the show are excellent.

Now as far as 2006 goes, I will be blazing new trails but limited trips to incorporate the other important things in my life. A trip to Dayton, OH for the Lit fest in February is calling me. I do have other trips planned and once they get solidified I will post here. Until we meet, hope you have a great day!

- Mocha Sistah

Reflective Poetry: January 2005

This is from my archived poems from this year. Enjoy.

Run Across’d My Mind
you creep into my soul
at night when I’m napping
and on cloud ninety-nine
...you turn me on in
ways I cannot even describe
...touch me in ways I cannot
vocalize
...sneak like a thief into my soul
that’s what you do
my second rib that needs
to be fed gently
that is you
...you mold my creamy
daydreams
into fantasies as I zone on
the sweetness of thee
you rob my vacant spirit
during days when I
simply smile my way
through a painful day
of depressing issues
that slap me in the face
with red reality
...taste your passion
between ripped poems
from your soul
I yawn daily when you
run across’d my mind
making me totally blind
show me the real deal
be that one that totally
consumes me
....steal my brain cells like
they are on sale for such a
cheap price....
even though you don’t really
know all of me
it scares me
you
do
something wicked
to me
and I pause...
I don’t know
how to respond
....I know I shouldn’t be thinking
these things but
when I’m sipping on my white wine
and letting my dark red cherries melt
into my hot mouth
I can’t help but think about the fantasy
of thee
you like me for who I am.
Or is this all in my mind?
I’m dedicated to the thoughts
of you and me but like I said before
....the fantasy
may not be reality
but it’s what sometimes
gets me through
and I know this
is dangerous...
unhealthy...
but I am dedicated to know
that tasty/sticky/something
that is the
unique you.

(c) 2005 by Mocha Sistah

Anticipation

Anticipation can be something else. It makes you excited, makes your skin crawl with all types of emotions flowing through you. Especially if you want something you have been after for a long long time.

Anticipation
Your body will be
my sweet sweet temple
and I'll take every care
to lavishly lick you from head to toe
have your curling your toes
when I slowly twirl a curled
tongue near your sensitive spots
My plan is to take as much time
to make you hot
Give you all that you never got
from all those honies that you
wasted time with
Because my job for that moment
in time will be to dip you into
my exotic world
Grab on baby
Hold on tight
Cause from the moment you enter
my space
every frown will be erased from
your face
I will lather your orafices with much
delight and your passion will no
longer be delayed
We can quick flip through
Maxwell, Issac Hayes, R Kel,
Brian McKnight and Sade as just the
appetizer is being prepared
for Foreplay, just a little drizzle
of honey on your nipple as my
little snack
No longer suffering because you haven't had
a chance to see or be with me
No more anticipating because it'll be
just you and me
In my mind you have always been
with me
And in that moment it will be us
in our erotic world tasting, twisting,
turning, arms, legs, mouths opened.
Take me with your essence.
Make my body quiver.
I want to vibrate with just a syllable
of your name quaking through my soul
Anticipating this tasty love session got
me dangerously on the edge of hot
love that drips out of my mouth
when I say your name
Walk through my door,
and take me now.
I wait on mahogany silky sheets
and a warm body to hold
you tight, baby, for tonight
only tonight as we go ahead
and finally consume this thing
that has been driving us both
insane.
(c) 2005 by Mocha Sistah